I know I’m at the edge of a breakthrough. I’m getting closer and closer to reaching my goal(s). But for some reason I’m not crossing that finish line. I suppose it’s not a finish line. Check point to continue sounds better. I can see the check point, feel it even, and yet I won’t cross it. But I do know why. To put it simply, I’m scared out of my mind. I know I can do it. Three different people in the last week have told me that I can and see me moving forward. But why can’t I see it? Hmm, these late night thoughts aren’t fun. However this rambling, journaling, blogging, or whatever you’d like to call it seems to help. I suppose until next time. Goodnight.
Why does this hurt so much? Every time I think about you. It feels like you’re not gone. I often think I can just go down to Missouri and visit you…. But then I realise you won’t be there. No little whirring from your wheelchair and the half smile you’d give us when we arrive. Even eating peanut m&ms aren’t the same anymore. I hear your voice when I read the poem. I love you and hope I’m making you proud.
I miss you. A lot actually. I still have your memorial website saved. I’m afraid to let it go. This still hurts.
Can’t tell if this cold is congesting the hell out of my brain or what but trying to learn these stocks and options thing is not working…
I’m not sure if you follow me. I’d like to apologize though. I will in person but this has been upsetting me. I scared you with my reckless driving. I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t know why in that moment either. All I do know is that it was dumb, irresponsible, and unnecessary. There is no excuse for it and I don’t intend to find one. I’m not asking for forgiveness or even an “It’s okay.” I just want you to know that it won’t ever happen again. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or anyone else I care about. I am sincerely sorry, Nathalie.
Caitlin, I know we talked about it already but I feel like it needs to be said. I know I hurt some of our trust between us and I know I will have to earn it back. You know I care for you, and that Nathalie is like a sister to me. I hope we can talk about this more next weekend with each other.
Sooo, I’ve been looking for a place to move out for a while now and it seems like my friends and I found a place! Staying hopeful that we can get this property!
Just because you’re mad at someone doesn’t mean you stop loving them.